The night before Easter, I lay in my bed, reading my bible. I decided to read about the last few days of Christ’s life. What struck me is what always strikes me- the sacrifice that Christ was making, and how happy I was for that sacrifice…that chance of absolution that Christ gave to all of us on Earth when he died. Then something else set in. I realized just how much I love this man…this gentle soul who wanted to teach everyone to love one another, to serve one another, and to turn aside from the evils that this world present to us each and every day. My heart began to ache for all the torture that he endured. He did this because it was foretold, and he did this out of genuine love for all of us. What an amazing thought.
A few years ago, I watched “The Passion Of The Christ.” I was amazed at how cruel those people could be to the very man that they had followed, and were amazed at all that he knew and taught. It proves that man can indeed be very fickle. It doesn’t change throughout the years. Situations may change, laws may change, but man still remains fickle. We get married because we think we have found “the one.” Years later, we are undecided, then a marriage falls apart. I understand that feelings can change, etc, but my feelings on Christ and his teachings will NOT change. My feelings regarding my family and at the forefront, my husband, have never changed. I love them all.
I am, most assuredly, a sinner. I sin each and every day of my life. I do my best not to repeat the mistakes that I make. However, I am (in addition to a sinner) a human. I make mistakes. The only thing that I can do is offer those mistakes to God in the form of a confession, and make a concerted effort not to repeat them. \
My life is not perfect, my marriage is not perfect, and I do screw up. The one thing that I have learned over the years is that I cannot screw up my feelings. It’s what I do in reaction to those feelings that can change things. I have made huge mistakes in my marriage, my career(s), my life in general. It’s not been very easy, but I have learned from them. I pray each and every day without fail for the strength to be a good person, a good wife, a good mother, student, etc. But really, those things come from me. I alone hold the keys to those things. That’s called freewill, and God has given this to us. It can be a gift and a curse. It is for me, and I’m sure it was for those people, gathered around Jesus as he was brought before Pontius, jeering and cursing him.