Playing The Blame Game


In a divorce, it’s very easy to play the blame game.  Sometimes people do this to get what they want, and sometimes people do it to make themselves feel better.  Yet in another instance, people will do this for a mixture of the two.  It’s important to remember that the Bible has charged all Christians to forgive the wrongs that others have done to us, and to those we love.  By playing the blame game, you are, in effect, impeding forgiveness, and you are reminding that person of the wrongs that they have done.  Forgiveness, in God’s eyes, means wiping the slate clean.  It doesn’t mean holding that wrong over the other person’s head, time and again, to remind them of the terrible person that they once were.  There is a verse in the Bible that can affirm what I am saying.  It comes from 2 Corinthians 2:5-8.  “Now if anyone has caused pain, he has caused it not to me, but in some measure—not to put it too severely—to all of you. For such a one, this punishment by the majority is enough, so you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. So I beg you to reaffirm your love for him.”  Basically, when you forgive someone, you forgive everything associated with that act.  You don’t bring it up again, and you wipe the slate completely clean.  It’s not easy to do this, as human nature tends to lead us to looking at those sins, over and over again.  In order to move on as a person, and to move on as a child of God, you have to forgive yourself and not think of the things that you have done wrong.  Along the same lines, you have to forgive what the other person has done, as well. It’s easy to fall into that trap of wanting the other person to suffer because of what they have done wrong, but in the end, how does it help anyone?  It really doesn’t.  It makes it that much harder to move on.  

In my marriage, both of us were culpable for the downfall of our relationship.  I have done my share of wrongs in this, so I can’t really point a finger at my husband and tell him that this is all his fault, or all my fault. I found myself in an impossible position, and I handled it incorrectly.  All the looking back on the issue, and wishing that things were different can’t change that fact.  But, I do know that I brought everything to God, confessed it all, and asked for His forgiveness.  The best part of all of this?  I actually got it.  God forgave me.  My husband and I have said that we forgive each other for the wrongs, and in his eyes, he doesn’t love me anymore, and wants no part of being married.  I can’t change his mind, and I can’t go back and undo things.  My husband has done his share of wrongdoing, as well.  In the end, we both were equally to blame for our marriage ending.  I hate that fact, and if I could change his mind and make things better between us, I would.  At this point, I am still praying that my marriage would be saved.  I cannot speak for what God’s will is for all of this, but I can speak for one thing- He wants us all to forgive completely, and quit going over things, bringing them back up again.  That is not true forgiveness, and is something that we all have to deal with on some level.  True forgiveness is never easy, but in the end, it will make you feel better.  As a woman, I would like to bring up all the wrongs, but in the end, it would be fruitless.  It would remind both of us of the situation, and would DO NO GOOD.  Don’t let someone else drown in excessive sorrow, even if it’s someone that you are divorcing.  God says that we should comfort one another.  That’s also what Jesus meant when he said that we should love our fellow man as we love ourselves.  Let the past stay in the past, and do the best you can to move forward, knowing that in God’s eyes you are still His child,and He truly loves you.

Today, I charge all of you to look at how you forgive someone.  Do you truly forgive them, and quit bringing it up, or do you partially forgive that person, only to revisit the subject at another time?  If you find yourself doing the second, then you are not truly forgiving someone.  Let that person deal with what they have done in their own way.  Continually bringing it up is not allowing that person to move forward, and in all truthfulness, it’s actually holding them back.  Do you really want to be responsible for that?  I most certainly don’t.  So, today, I make the vow to let the past stay in the past, and let the future play out.  It’s all in God’s hands.  True forgiveness means allowing those chains from your past to fall away, and gives you the freedom that we all desperately crave.  In the end, we are all sinners, and it’s sin that separates us from the Heavenly Father.  We ALL have to make the effort to overcome those sins.  God extends forgiveness to each of us, only requiring that we extend that same courtesy to those around us.  Let’s get the ball rolling, and make sure that we are doing just that.

Have a blessed day, and “stay tuned.”  My mind has been working overtime lately, and I have some great topics to share with everyone.


2 responses »

  1. Pingback: Playing The Blame Game | srfrazee

  2. Forgiveness is an especially hard task, especially during a divorce. I found forgiving myself to be most important.

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